come sit on grampa's lap kids... it's eddie vedder on the tee-vee...

I was flipping channels tonight and I came across a Pearl Jam video...

On VH-1!!!

How the fuck old AM I??  (posted by Dave at 11:23 PM || )

  a rare sports entry...

You won't hear Dave blog about sports that often, so take note, and bear with me.

I saw some news story about some baseball team breaking a winning streak, and it occured to me to check the standings in the AL East, so I went over to mlb.com only to find that The Orioles are ahead of the YANKEES in the AL East. Ok, they aren't in first place, they are a game behind the Sox, but still... they are ahead of the fucking YANKEES and I can't even REMEMBER the last time they weren't 20 fucking games behind the Yankees.

Wouldn't it serve me right... after living for 6 years in NY and ignoring sports entirely, I had made the decision that, now that I was moving back, I was going to put aside my childhood alliances and become a Yankees fan... wouldn't it serve me right for the fucking O's to be in the running this season?? TAKE THAT, TRAITOR!!!

Not that I'm a huge baseball fan anyway, but... it's my home team, y'know? I saw Jim Palmer play his last game at Memorial Stadium. I saw Earl Weaver coach one of his last times. My high school band played the national anthem at a preseason game once. And I went through some phases... like the year I worked construction with may dad's company after high school... I paid attention to baseball just so I'd have something to talk to people about. And I mean attention, as in... listening to baseball games on the RADIO and having pitchers' ERA's memorized and shit. Yeah... ME... hard to believe, I know.

Anyway, the Orioles have sucked so bad for the last... hell... DECADE, that I haven't paid much attention, so I figured switching team loyalties would be no big deal. But... the YANKEES? God if my grandmother saw me in a Yankees cap she'll keel over dead right there.

So, now... I'm sorry for even considering it. I TAKE IT ALL BACK!! GO O's!!!  (posted by Dave at 8:28 PM || )

  what's in a pope-name...?

Well, it looks like our new Pope is going to be Benedict XVI, which I have to admit is a pretty cool Pope Name. It got me wondering though... once you get to be a big-shot Cardinal - do you start dreaming about your Pope Name? Trying to pick the perfect, coolest one like teenage boys name their imaginary rock bands? Or doodling it in the corner of your notebook in big loopy letters like a lovesick 13-year-old girl does with her name and the last name of some unattainable boy?

Pope Honorius V... ... Papa... Honorius... the... FIFTH...

Or even worse... is one of the guys who was in the running for this election just FUMING now, going - "Dammit, I was going to choose Benedict XVI!!! Now I can't use Benedict XVII or I'll look like a copycat!! You SUCK Ratzinger!!"  (posted by Dave at 1:27 PM || )

  dave finds religion... almost...

Whilst surfing the web today, I spotted the following headline on Yahoo News...

Pope's Body Moved

"OH MY GOD!! IT'S A MIRACLE!!"

Oh, wait... that's probably not what that means at all.

What a difference transitive vs. intransitve makes.


  (posted by Dave at 10:38 PM || )

  like abu graib, only with monkeys...

Yesterday we went to visit the local animal concentration camp zoo. What an awful place. It's way out of town in Trailer Park Land down a dirt road. There was a weird, sparse assortment of animals - most either housed in chain-link cages or in smallish fenced-in areas. Zebras rooming with donkeys. Six emus and an ostrich who are probaby destined to be someone's dinner someday. A bunch of depressed-looking retired circus tigers. A really sociopathic baboon. An arthritic cougar. A pair of agitated, pacing wolves.

The highlights, if you can call them that, were a Nilgai and a patagonian cavy neither of which I've ever seen before in a zoo. Also we got to play with a chimpanzee, which was fun. He was an adult male, and he was maybe 3 feet away from us behind 2 chainlink fences. He would stamp his foot, and then Ian and I would stamp OUR feet and then he'd stamp his foot, and then we'd stamp OUR feet, and then he'd do that crazy-toothy-chimp-smile thing and nod his head vigorously, as if to say "Hey, fellow primate - that was a fun game". I felt just like Jane Goodall.

Anyway, the kids had fun and got to run around a lot. Jennifer and I found the whole thing a bit depressing, and I couldn't decide whether it made me want to donate money to the zoo or to PETA.  (posted by Dave at 10:52 AM || )

  for god's sake, someone imdb "The Man from Atlantis" already...

We Tivo'd "Grey's Anatomy" last week. Tonight we watched it. One of the first names to pop up in the creadits was "Patrick Dempsey"

DAVE: Patrick Dempsey?
JENN: Oh, who is that? He was in that movie...
DAVE: Isn't Patrick Dempsey the guy from "Dallas"?
JENN: No.
DAVE: Well, it was Patrick somebody...
JENN: Patrick... Ewing!!
DAVE: No... JR Ewing. Patrick Ewing is a basketball player.
JENN: Oh. Well Patrick Dempsey was in that movie...

Patrick DUFFY. Jesus. How fucking long did these conversations used to last before the Internet was invented?  (posted by Dave at 10:27 PM || )