ask dr. science...
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
anybody want a used tv? or a used cat...?
How does a 9 pound cat ruin a $1500 HiDef TV? Well in involves a careful alignment of television, coffee table, full Diet Coke can, and a stack of magazines. If you still can't imagine it, this handy sketch might help you to visualize the situation...
How does a 9 pound cat ruin a $1500 HiDef TV? Well in involves a careful alignment of television, coffee table, full Diet Coke can, and a stack of magazines. If you still can't imagine it, this handy sketch might help you to visualize the situation...
Monday, November 22, 2004
save me a talon, please...
Every year around this time, one winds up being reminded somewhere about Ben Franklin's campaign to make the turkey our "National Bird", and we all get to have a little laugh at our founding father's expense. For me, the most disturbing part about this alternate history is not what it would have meant for our currency. (Big ugly bird on the backs of all our money.) It's the implications it would have had on Thanksgiving. Because we certainly couldn't EAT the National Bird! No, if Ben Franklin had had his way, we'd all be popping down to the market every November to pick up a 12 pound Butterball Eagle.
Mmmm! It's Raptorlicious!!
Every year around this time, one winds up being reminded somewhere about Ben Franklin's campaign to make the turkey our "National Bird", and we all get to have a little laugh at our founding father's expense. For me, the most disturbing part about this alternate history is not what it would have meant for our currency. (Big ugly bird on the backs of all our money.) It's the implications it would have had on Thanksgiving. Because we certainly couldn't EAT the National Bird! No, if Ben Franklin had had his way, we'd all be popping down to the market every November to pick up a 12 pound Butterball Eagle.
Mmmm! It's Raptorlicious!!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
the odd couple...
There was this "couple" traveling together a few rows in front of me on the plane... and I use the term loosely, because I couldn't for the life of my figure out their relationship. The guy was tall (6'3"?) young, blonde, and very, very, very gay. The woman was short, old (50-ish) and looked like she has had copious amounts of plastic surgery - approaching Unnatural Joan Rivers PlasticFace. She's also wearing a fur.
They kind of reminded me of Waylon Flowers and Madam.
Dave
( PS> If you have the faintest idea who that is - congratulations! You are OLD like me! Watch a lot of Hollywood Squares when you were home sick from school, did you?)
There was this "couple" traveling together a few rows in front of me on the plane... and I use the term loosely, because I couldn't for the life of my figure out their relationship. The guy was tall (6'3"?) young, blonde, and very, very, very gay. The woman was short, old (50-ish) and looked like she has had copious amounts of plastic surgery - approaching Unnatural Joan Rivers PlasticFace. She's also wearing a fur.
They kind of reminded me of Waylon Flowers and Madam.
Dave
( PS> If you have the faintest idea who that is - congratulations! You are OLD like me! Watch a lot of Hollywood Squares when you were home sick from school, did you?)
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
the amazing race...
The premier of the Amazing Race was on tonite. The "Entrepreneur" guy Jonathan may be, quite possibly the most odious human being I have ever encountered.
And there are wrestlers. Professional wrestlers!!
This is gonna be SO good.
The premier of the Amazing Race was on tonite. The "Entrepreneur" guy Jonathan may be, quite possibly the most odious human being I have ever encountered.
And there are wrestlers. Professional wrestlers!!
This is gonna be SO good.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
dave takes the conspiracy angle...
You may have heard that VP Dick Cheney was recently released from the hospital after undergoing some "tests" following some "shortness of breath" he suffered the other day.
Dave's prediction?
It's all a fake. A setup. Soon after the inauguration, Dick Cheney will suffer his fifth heart attack (faked!) and be forced to resign, after which the president will appoint a new VP, hand-picked by Karl Rove, so that the Republicans will be able to run a sitting VP for the presidency in 2008.
Wait and see!
You may have heard that VP Dick Cheney was recently released from the hospital after undergoing some "tests" following some "shortness of breath" he suffered the other day.
Dave's prediction?
It's all a fake. A setup. Soon after the inauguration, Dick Cheney will suffer his fifth heart attack (faked!) and be forced to resign, after which the president will appoint a new VP, hand-picked by Karl Rove, so that the Republicans will be able to run a sitting VP for the presidency in 2008.
Wait and see!
Saturday, November 13, 2004
no future to speak of...
We went to the Chinese buffet place next to Target for the first time last night. It was REALLY good. Surprise! Good Chinese food in Alabama!
Dinner went well until it came time for fortune cookies. I opened mine up and found...
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
"Ummm... does this mean I'm going to DIE on the way home tonight??"
We went to the Chinese buffet place next to Target for the first time last night. It was REALLY good. Surprise! Good Chinese food in Alabama!
Dinner went well until it came time for fortune cookies. I opened mine up and found...
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
"Ummm... does this mean I'm going to DIE on the way home tonight??"
Friday, November 12, 2004
rationalizations...
With all this talk about minivans, you may find yourself thinking - "Ummm, why do you need a minivan? You only have two kids!" Which is true. You don’t need a minivan with only two kids. Unless you want to carpool to school. Or take one of your kid's friends out for a playdate. Or take your parents out to dinner. Or ever buy something bigger than 3 feet long. Or go on vacation with more than three days' worth of suitcases. Or drive cross-country without feeling like you are locked in a tiny cage with two animals and a ton of fucking GARBAGE.
Look - it's KILLING me to buy a minivan. And not just because of my "image" - all that talk is just me and my funny little blog crap... It's because it KILLS me to drive a vehicle that gets less than 20 mpg. I feel like I'm contributing to a trend that I DESPISE and that I think is going to be the death of our fucking planet. But I'm trying to buy the most fuel-efficient minivan I can. (The Odyssey gets 20/28 courtesy of an engine that shuts of 3 of the 6 cylinders when you're not accelerating.) And I drive a little car on the side that I PROMISE to replace with a hybrid when the time comes, OK?!
Anyway, say what you will about the minivan thing, and I'll probably agree with you. But I'm buying one anyway. There's plenty of room in the back for all my Liberal Guilt.
With all this talk about minivans, you may find yourself thinking - "Ummm, why do you need a minivan? You only have two kids!" Which is true. You don’t need a minivan with only two kids. Unless you want to carpool to school. Or take one of your kid's friends out for a playdate. Or take your parents out to dinner. Or ever buy something bigger than 3 feet long. Or go on vacation with more than three days' worth of suitcases. Or drive cross-country without feeling like you are locked in a tiny cage with two animals and a ton of fucking GARBAGE.
Look - it's KILLING me to buy a minivan. And not just because of my "image" - all that talk is just me and my funny little blog crap... It's because it KILLS me to drive a vehicle that gets less than 20 mpg. I feel like I'm contributing to a trend that I DESPISE and that I think is going to be the death of our fucking planet. But I'm trying to buy the most fuel-efficient minivan I can. (The Odyssey gets 20/28 courtesy of an engine that shuts of 3 of the 6 cylinders when you're not accelerating.) And I drive a little car on the side that I PROMISE to replace with a hybrid when the time comes, OK?!
Anyway, say what you will about the minivan thing, and I'll probably agree with you. But I'm buying one anyway. There's plenty of room in the back for all my Liberal Guilt.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
and the winner is...
It looks like the Honda Odyssey is currently in the lead in the mini-van shopping extravaganza.
I can't believe I'm about to spend $35,000 on a vehicle, and it's not a convertible that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. That's an awful lot of money to spend on a fucking ugly, Cheerio-filled, CUBE with leather seats.
D.
It looks like the Honda Odyssey is currently in the lead in the mini-van shopping extravaganza.
I can't believe I'm about to spend $35,000 on a vehicle, and it's not a convertible that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. That's an awful lot of money to spend on a fucking ugly, Cheerio-filled, CUBE with leather seats.
D.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
belated music review...
Something I saw online today reminded me... I saw "The Donnas" on Letterman last week and I wanted to write a review. This is another one of those bands that I head about and heard about... and everything I heard about them was good, and so I really wanted to like them.
Than never seems to work out.
I mean... I have to give the bass player points for her funky-pawn-shop bass, and I have to give the lead guitarist points for her shaggy Malcolm Young hairstyle (And matching Malcolm Young stage presence, or lack thereof) and the drummer had a sort of Meg White enthusiasm (with a little of the Go-Go's drummer's chops thrown in)... but the whole thing didn't really add up to much more than a medicore garage band. Which I know is the sound a lot of these bands are going for, but... there's a reason garage bands never get out of the garage. It's because they suck.
Now, I'm not saying the Donnas "sucked" exactly, but they came pretty close. Especially when the guitar chords dropped out during the "solo" (such as it was) and there was literally nothing propping up the song from underneath.
Anyway - one more band to cross off my Download List.
Something I saw online today reminded me... I saw "The Donnas" on Letterman last week and I wanted to write a review. This is another one of those bands that I head about and heard about... and everything I heard about them was good, and so I really wanted to like them.
Than never seems to work out.
I mean... I have to give the bass player points for her funky-pawn-shop bass, and I have to give the lead guitarist points for her shaggy Malcolm Young hairstyle (And matching Malcolm Young stage presence, or lack thereof) and the drummer had a sort of Meg White enthusiasm (with a little of the Go-Go's drummer's chops thrown in)... but the whole thing didn't really add up to much more than a medicore garage band. Which I know is the sound a lot of these bands are going for, but... there's a reason garage bands never get out of the garage. It's because they suck.
Now, I'm not saying the Donnas "sucked" exactly, but they came pretty close. Especially when the guitar chords dropped out during the "solo" (such as it was) and there was literally nothing propping up the song from underneath.
Anyway - one more band to cross off my Download List.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
the beginning of the end...
Jennifer and I are going minivan shopping tomorrow.
sigh...
I think it's officially "midlife" now. Where do I sign up for my crisis?
Jennifer and I are going minivan shopping tomorrow.
sigh...
I think it's officially "midlife" now. Where do I sign up for my crisis?
Sunday, November 07, 2004
why dave is not exactly cut out for the whole "Man of the House" position...
"Giant flying roach! "There's a GIANT FLYING ROACH in the house!!"
If this is what fall in Alabama means... that the giant flying roaches start sneaking into the house to get warm, I'll take the fucking 90 degree heat back, thanks.
"Giant flying roach! "There's a GIANT FLYING ROACH in the house!!"
If this is what fall in Alabama means... that the giant flying roaches start sneaking into the house to get warm, I'll take the fucking 90 degree heat back, thanks.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
looking ahead...
I saw yet another person talking about an Obama presidential candidacy in 2008. First of all, I want to apologize for the un-called-for dig at Barak Obama in my previous post... I think he's an amazing guy, and hopefully a big part of the future of the Democratic party. But I still don't think they'll run him in '08. Not without even letting him complete a SINGLE TERM in the Senate. I think that looks bad. I think that's the only reason Hillary didn't run this time.
I'm terrified the Dems will be dumb enough to let Hillary anywhere near the election next time. There is just TOO MUCH of a legacy of hatred towards the Clintons on the right. But I don't think we're smart enough not to do it. My prediction for the '08 ticket? Edwards/Clinton. (And just maybe Clinton/Obama, but I doubt it) Whoever is on the ticket is going to lose to John McCain (McCain/Schwarzenegger in '08 - you heard it here first!) and then Obama wil be a serious contender in 2012 or 2016.
Oh Jesus - did I just write the year 2016?? Now I'm starting to get REALLY depressed.
I saw yet another person talking about an Obama presidential candidacy in 2008. First of all, I want to apologize for the un-called-for dig at Barak Obama in my previous post... I think he's an amazing guy, and hopefully a big part of the future of the Democratic party. But I still don't think they'll run him in '08. Not without even letting him complete a SINGLE TERM in the Senate. I think that looks bad. I think that's the only reason Hillary didn't run this time.
I'm terrified the Dems will be dumb enough to let Hillary anywhere near the election next time. There is just TOO MUCH of a legacy of hatred towards the Clintons on the right. But I don't think we're smart enough not to do it. My prediction for the '08 ticket? Edwards/Clinton. (And just maybe Clinton/Obama, but I doubt it) Whoever is on the ticket is going to lose to John McCain (McCain/Schwarzenegger in '08 - you heard it here first!) and then Obama wil be a serious contender in 2012 or 2016.
Oh Jesus - did I just write the year 2016?? Now I'm starting to get REALLY depressed.
hey, oh, way to go, ohio...
Taken from Salon.com...
This saves me the trouble of putting a lot of my thoughts this morning into words. I'm thinking it may be time to admit that my idealistic vision of what I think this country is supposed to "be" is just a load of hippie crap. It's not a democracy - it's a representative Republic, and our "representatives" are all rich, old white guys. (Sorry, Mr. Obama, as impressive as you are, I believe "Obama" is in fact the Swahili word for "token".) It's not a country founded on freedom, it's a country founded by religious zealots and Puritans who's descendents are secretly longing for a good old-fashioned witch hunt or holy war. The country has been hijacked by people who pay lip service to selected parts of the Bill of Rights when cornered, but who believe the only real Laws were written 2000 years ago by a bunch of people in sandals who routinely talked to God.
And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just a inevitable but temporary "pendulum swing" to the right. But how long to these swings last? 10 years? 20? 50? I'm not sure I can wait that long.
Does anybody know of any books that might help one deal with life as an ideological minority under an oppressive regime? I think I may need some encouragement.
Taken from Salon.com...
In the ballroom at Columbus's Renaissance hotel, where several dozen weary Kerry supporters are still waiting for an electoral miracle, David Gergen appeared on a monitor and said something that many here are thinking. "For an awful lot of people on the losing side, there's going to be a sense of alienation, of, is this the country we thought it was?" he asked. A few people actually applauded this statement. Others just nodded their heads.
This saves me the trouble of putting a lot of my thoughts this morning into words. I'm thinking it may be time to admit that my idealistic vision of what I think this country is supposed to "be" is just a load of hippie crap. It's not a democracy - it's a representative Republic, and our "representatives" are all rich, old white guys. (Sorry, Mr. Obama, as impressive as you are, I believe "Obama" is in fact the Swahili word for "token".) It's not a country founded on freedom, it's a country founded by religious zealots and Puritans who's descendents are secretly longing for a good old-fashioned witch hunt or holy war. The country has been hijacked by people who pay lip service to selected parts of the Bill of Rights when cornered, but who believe the only real Laws were written 2000 years ago by a bunch of people in sandals who routinely talked to God.
And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just a inevitable but temporary "pendulum swing" to the right. But how long to these swings last? 10 years? 20? 50? I'm not sure I can wait that long.
Does anybody know of any books that might help one deal with life as an ideological minority under an oppressive regime? I think I may need some encouragement.
dave's election night real-time analysis...
(for some reason, I couldn't get this to publish last night, so here it is - after the fact...)
6:31 pm: A few early projections from CBS... nothing from any states that were expected to be close. I'll be posting updates with numbers based on departures from MY original projections - Kerry:284 and Bush:254.
Got to turn off CBS... I ain't listening to Dan Rather all night.
7:42 pm: A few states that might have been close according to the polls are NOT... NJ to Kerrey, NC and WV to Bush. Still no surprises. Trends show FL leaning more to Bush than 2000, which is fine, since I already called FL for Bush. It's gonna come down to OH, folks. The Doc's prediction stands.
--- --- ---
PS> Electoral Masturbation update - if Kerry loses either OH or PA in Dave's favored model, he can still win by a tiny margin by taking both NM and CO. A long shot, but I figure I'd mention it since I've been taking Pennsylvania for granted.
8:47 pm: No surprises yet. Unfortunately. I wasn't expecting one by now... but I was hoping for one. I don't like the fact that Bush's numbers look so good in Ohio. It makes me nervous.
10:03 pm: Kerry gets PA. They call CA and WA the INSTANT the polls close. I think they just do this to make the race look close.
Dave is scared of the OH numbers. Dave needs a drink.
10:31 pm: Dave is attempting to calm his nerves with Snickers and vodka.
11:37 pm: Ohio looks more and more like a loss. With Colorado being called for Bush and the NM numbers looking less than encouraging. I think it may be time to go to bed soon.
11:59 pm: When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for once... at a loss for words.
(for some reason, I couldn't get this to publish last night, so here it is - after the fact...)
6:31 pm: A few early projections from CBS... nothing from any states that were expected to be close. I'll be posting updates with numbers based on departures from MY original projections - Kerry:284 and Bush:254.
Got to turn off CBS... I ain't listening to Dan Rather all night.
7:42 pm: A few states that might have been close according to the polls are NOT... NJ to Kerrey, NC and WV to Bush. Still no surprises. Trends show FL leaning more to Bush than 2000, which is fine, since I already called FL for Bush. It's gonna come down to OH, folks. The Doc's prediction stands.
PS> Electoral Masturbation update - if Kerry loses either OH or PA in Dave's favored model, he can still win by a tiny margin by taking both NM and CO. A long shot, but I figure I'd mention it since I've been taking Pennsylvania for granted.
8:47 pm: No surprises yet. Unfortunately. I wasn't expecting one by now... but I was hoping for one. I don't like the fact that Bush's numbers look so good in Ohio. It makes me nervous.
10:03 pm: Kerry gets PA. They call CA and WA the INSTANT the polls close. I think they just do this to make the race look close.
Dave is scared of the OH numbers. Dave needs a drink.
10:31 pm: Dave is attempting to calm his nerves with Snickers and vodka.
11:37 pm: Ohio looks more and more like a loss. With Colorado being called for Bush and the NM numbers looking less than encouraging. I think it may be time to go to bed soon.
11:59 pm: When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for once... at a loss for words.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
election day: part two... dave's predictions...
SCENARIO ONE: Dave's dream scenario: Kerry takes PA and OH, as well as MI, IL, WI, MN. Kerry takes NM and CO, and narrowly, FL and wins 313 electoral votes to 225. (Without FL, he still wins 286-252) Dave goes to bed early.
SCENARIO TWO: More likely - Bush takes FL and one of NH or HI. Bush also takes either CO or NM but not both. Kerry takes PA and OH and the midwestern swing states. Kerry wins 273 electoral votes to Bush's 265.
SCENARIO THREE: Dave's nightmare scenario - Kerry keeps NH and HI, and most of the midwest swing states, but Bush takes BOTH Florida and Ohio for 285 electoral votes to Kerry's 253.
My official prediction is Scenario Two - Kerry by a narrow, but not litigatiable margin.
Dave
(Bonus prediction - Kerry gets 50.1% of the popular vote to Bush's 48.4%)
SCENARIO ONE: Dave's dream scenario: Kerry takes PA and OH, as well as MI, IL, WI, MN. Kerry takes NM and CO, and narrowly, FL and wins 313 electoral votes to 225. (Without FL, he still wins 286-252) Dave goes to bed early.
SCENARIO TWO: More likely - Bush takes FL and one of NH or HI. Bush also takes either CO or NM but not both. Kerry takes PA and OH and the midwestern swing states. Kerry wins 273 electoral votes to Bush's 265.
SCENARIO THREE: Dave's nightmare scenario - Kerry keeps NH and HI, and most of the midwest swing states, but Bush takes BOTH Florida and Ohio for 285 electoral votes to Kerry's 253.
My official prediction is Scenario Two - Kerry by a narrow, but not litigatiable margin.
Dave
(Bonus prediction - Kerry gets 50.1% of the popular vote to Bush's 48.4%)
election day: part one...
My boss said we could take an hour off work to vote today...
I took three.
In my defense, one of them was my lunch, but still. It was complicated. Katie is home sick from school today, and my wife was going to take her out to the videostore but when she went to leave the car wouldn't start. So she called me and I drove home. (Nothing makes me feel more manly than coming to the rescue with jumper cables. It's the only thing I know how to do to a car besides drive it and put gas in it, but dammit... I do it well.) We were going to go vote together, but the Little One was asleep, so I stayed home while she took the Sick One to get a video. Then while she was out she called and said "The lines are pretty long, so I'm just gonna vote now while I'm out." Ok... so I stayed home for an hour while the kid slept. Then when she got home she said the lines were shorter now and I should vote on the way back to work. Which I did. Then I stopped for KFC on the way back to work.
The upshot? I voted, and it took three hours
*** *** ***
As cynical as I am sometimes, and as much as I grumble about the whole unpleasant process of American Politics, I have to say... I'm still idealistic enough to get a little thrill at the idea of voting... a little sense of pleasure out of seeing the parking lot of the polling place (the Abba Shriner's Temple **) so packed with cars. Even if 60% of these rednecks ARE voting for the wrong guy.
Oops... look... it wore off, right there, just then.
*** *** ***
Jennifer rented "Fahrenheit 9/11" for us to watch when we got bored with the returns tonight, but I have to say... it ain't gonna happen. I'm too obsessed about this one. I've been tracking the polls and watching the swing states and all that. I've even got a daily-updated Electoral College map on my desktop. The wife accused me of contributing to the widespread "electoral masturbation" taking place in the media, but I don’t care. Unless there is an unexpected electoral landslide for Kerry, I'll be watching it all night.
Keep an eye here for updates!
D.
(**) Could someone, anyone, please explain to me what the Shriners are and what they do? While you're at it, any other weird old-man cults... Knights of Columbus, Tall Cedars, Elks, Moose... what the hell is going on there? It just makes me picture Fred Flintstone in that Water Buffalo hat.
My boss said we could take an hour off work to vote today...
I took three.
In my defense, one of them was my lunch, but still. It was complicated. Katie is home sick from school today, and my wife was going to take her out to the videostore but when she went to leave the car wouldn't start. So she called me and I drove home. (Nothing makes me feel more manly than coming to the rescue with jumper cables. It's the only thing I know how to do to a car besides drive it and put gas in it, but dammit... I do it well.) We were going to go vote together, but the Little One was asleep, so I stayed home while she took the Sick One to get a video. Then while she was out she called and said "The lines are pretty long, so I'm just gonna vote now while I'm out." Ok... so I stayed home for an hour while the kid slept. Then when she got home she said the lines were shorter now and I should vote on the way back to work. Which I did. Then I stopped for KFC on the way back to work.
The upshot? I voted, and it took three hours
As cynical as I am sometimes, and as much as I grumble about the whole unpleasant process of American Politics, I have to say... I'm still idealistic enough to get a little thrill at the idea of voting... a little sense of pleasure out of seeing the parking lot of the polling place (the Abba Shriner's Temple **) so packed with cars. Even if 60% of these rednecks ARE voting for the wrong guy.
Oops... look... it wore off, right there, just then.
Jennifer rented "Fahrenheit 9/11" for us to watch when we got bored with the returns tonight, but I have to say... it ain't gonna happen. I'm too obsessed about this one. I've been tracking the polls and watching the swing states and all that. I've even got a daily-updated Electoral College map on my desktop. The wife accused me of contributing to the widespread "electoral masturbation" taking place in the media, but I don’t care. Unless there is an unexpected electoral landslide for Kerry, I'll be watching it all night.
Keep an eye here for updates!
D.
(**) Could someone, anyone, please explain to me what the Shriners are and what they do? While you're at it, any other weird old-man cults... Knights of Columbus, Tall Cedars, Elks, Moose... what the hell is going on there? It just makes me picture Fred Flintstone in that Water Buffalo hat.
parenting...
When you have children, you find yourself looking on the bright side of things that, before you had children, would have most likely not had any bright side at all. You actually find yourself having thoughts like - "Good thing I was able to catch some of the vomit in my hand!" or "At least she didn't come into our room and throw up 10 minutes ago when we were having sex!" You will even seriously think things like - "Gosh, I hope that *I* get violently ill with intestinal flu and not the baby!"
The truest measure of parental love is simple fact that when my daughter threw up (carrots!) on my carpet at 12:30 AM last night, I DID NOT chase her around the house screaming and drenching her with a squirt-bottle like I did to the cat when she peed on the bed just a day before. Even though it took 10 times as long to clean up. In fact, that reaction didn't even occur to me. Which says a lot for the biological child-rearing imperative, I think.
When you have children, you find yourself looking on the bright side of things that, before you had children, would have most likely not had any bright side at all. You actually find yourself having thoughts like - "Good thing I was able to catch some of the vomit in my hand!" or "At least she didn't come into our room and throw up 10 minutes ago when we were having sex!" You will even seriously think things like - "Gosh, I hope that *I* get violently ill with intestinal flu and not the baby!"
The truest measure of parental love is simple fact that when my daughter threw up (carrots!) on my carpet at 12:30 AM last night, I DID NOT chase her around the house screaming and drenching her with a squirt-bottle like I did to the cat when she peed on the bed just a day before. Even though it took 10 times as long to clean up. In fact, that reaction didn't even occur to me. Which says a lot for the biological child-rearing imperative, I think.
Monday, November 01, 2004
bring it on...
Two factors that have contributed to the current Candy Situation in our house...
As a result, should tomorrow's botched election result in widespread civil unrest, I will be able to easily ride out the conflict, locked inside my home, subsisting entirely on Miniature Twix.
Two factors that have contributed to the current Candy Situation in our house...
1) We didn’t get NEARLY as many trick-or-treaters here as we used to in NY. Maybe 20 door-knocks, tops.
2) The people who already live here KNOW how few trick-or-treaters there are, therefore our kids got giant handfuls of candy from every house they visited.
As a result, should tomorrow's botched election result in widespread civil unrest, I will be able to easily ride out the conflict, locked inside my home, subsisting entirely on Miniature Twix.
the best of suburbia...
One of the coolest things about living in a big (or "biggish") city are the free weeklies. In Baltimore, it was "The City Paper", in New York - the "Village Voice". And once a year, the free city papers always put out their "Best of the City" issues. This is the place to find out which hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurant has the best food, or that "Killer Trash" is the best funky thrift shop in Baltimore, or that the place to go for Sicilian-style pizza in NY is "Krispy Pizzeria". So it was with great excitement that I opened the Sunday paper this weekend to find a "Best of Mobile" section. Oh what hidden local treasures await?!
Best Pizza? (drumroll please...)
Best Italian Food?
The list goes on...
You have GOT to be shittin' me! The fucking Olive Garden?, I don’t even LIKE Italian, and I know enough to know that the Olive Garden is the Wal-Mart of Italian food!
Of course, Wal-Mart made the list too.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love suburbia as much as the next guy, probably more, and it's no secret that we're more likely to be seen dining at Applebee's or shopping at Target than anyone else, but I don’t live under some kind of illusion that these are the finest culinary and shopping experiences that the world has to offer. They are simply THERE. And if the Olive Garden really is the finest Italian dining experience that the area has to offer... I really did NOT need to know that! It's downright depressing.
One of the coolest things about living in a big (or "biggish") city are the free weeklies. In Baltimore, it was "The City Paper", in New York - the "Village Voice". And once a year, the free city papers always put out their "Best of the City" issues. This is the place to find out which hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurant has the best food, or that "Killer Trash" is the best funky thrift shop in Baltimore, or that the place to go for Sicilian-style pizza in NY is "Krispy Pizzeria". So it was with great excitement that I opened the Sunday paper this weekend to find a "Best of Mobile" section. Oh what hidden local treasures await?!
Best Pizza? (drumroll please...)
Pizza Hut
Best Italian Food?
Olive Garden
The list goes on...
You have GOT to be shittin' me! The fucking Olive Garden?, I don’t even LIKE Italian, and I know enough to know that the Olive Garden is the Wal-Mart of Italian food!
Of course, Wal-Mart made the list too.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love suburbia as much as the next guy, probably more, and it's no secret that we're more likely to be seen dining at Applebee's or shopping at Target than anyone else, but I don’t live under some kind of illusion that these are the finest culinary and shopping experiences that the world has to offer. They are simply THERE. And if the Olive Garden really is the finest Italian dining experience that the area has to offer... I really did NOT need to know that! It's downright depressing.
